Friday, September 11, 2015

A Hellboy of a boyfriend.

Meet my boyfriend, Hellboy:
Actually he looks more like Ron, pre-makeup:
But less exaggerated features...more like kindlyMidwestern-hotness.

Hellboy surprised me.  I wasn't looking for him.  I was looking for someone to hang out with, & we did.  But then he turned out to be like this:

  • Patient, while I figured out I was in love.
  • Smart--minus any braggadocio. 
  • Effortlessly, generously affectionate.
  • Quiet.  God, I love a quiet man. 
I like my girlfriends chatty; I like men to be quiet.  Not that Hellboy can't rant with the best of 'em, b/c he can.  But he is also an expert listener, and godknowsthatisrare.
  • He's a knee-weakening kisser.
  • Gets paint in his hair.
  • Takes me on surprise trips like to BAKERSFIELD where we eat tacos and visit Buck Owens' Museum and canoodle.

  • Makes up fabulous cocktails.
  • So unflappable I wanna flap him.  
  • Midwestern f*cking impeccable manners.  
  • Doesn't read music & can just play.  F*ck.
  • Sees my strengths as assets for us, not as a threat, or competition.
  • Loves smart women me.
  • Is not traditional, nor religious, nor spiritual.
  • Knows how to roast his own coffee.  [Sold.]
  • Buys me ice cream and puts his arm around me while I eat it daintily decimate it.
  • Works magic with a cast-iron skillet.
  • Loves his mom (though he calls her "Mahm" b/c accent).
  • Wears only one type—and one color—of socks.  
  • Benevolently gentle.
  • Unselfconsciously blunt.
  • Poignantly self-effacing.
  • Will work tirelessly as my photographic model, even in cemeteries. 
  • Is moving to San Diego with me:
We're going to live in Vivian's former home. We'll make lattes, and take walks together, and barbecue brisket, and start a garden, and sit under the pergola.

Life marches on.  And I'm as happy as Hellboy.

Next week: More happy.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Homer, Alaska; August 2015.

I'm back from Alaska.  And in general.

Next week: Prose.

Thursday, March 12, 2015


I've decided to take a little sabbatical from Burt. You can still find me at Hello and Good Buck, where I'll continue to post weekly or so:

Hello and Good Buck

Thank you for your emails--I've enjoyed reading them.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

72-degree quickie.

It's too beautiful outside to write much.  I accomplished nothing today except:

a) Making 2 pans of Martha Stewart's green enchiladas.
They are the most gringa enchiladas ever, but ay dios mio they're delicious.

b) Researching photo trips to Cuba.
I think I wanna go here in 2016.  Still thinking about it.

c) Making multiple reservations for my Oct NY trip.
Going to choose one later, depending on my mood.  That said, I think I'm ready to not share a bathroom anymore.

d) Buying a ticket to SD for Mother's Day.
Major Shelley-points.

Next week: Something riveting.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Let's go on an update!

So I have a new writing gig, & it's Super Fly.
But it's also on the peninsula.  OMG, THE SAN MATEO BRIDGE.  I love physically being on the bridge, but there are a lot of people trying to get physically onto the bridge to love it at the same time.  Hey Caltrans--think you could build a couple more bridges next to the bridge oh & add 4 lanes to the 880 Kthanks.

I just might have to get satellite radio again.  I love it when Howard imitates his family.
I love Howard so much that I've had dreams about housesitting for him.  Evidently, I really want Howard Stern to trust me.  Not sure what that means--but it's probably bad.

Also, Jillian is getting me Ripped in 30 again, at 5am.  Holy hell, it's cold & dark & painful at 5am.  I'm on Day tew.

Also, just bought a ticket to Bettye Lavette next week:

Can't f-ing wait.

Next week: Bettye!

Friday, February 13, 2015

A chunk of change.

I've been lagging lately, but it seems like everything that could change has been changing over the past couple weeks.  Or, if you wanna get fancy, over the past 1.5 yrs.  As in that was when my dad, ya know, died.

I think a playlist is in order... an Everything Is Changing playlist:

Moon, Bjork
Take it Down, Patty Griffin
Clair de Lune, Debussy/Philippe Entremont
Amelia, Joni Mitchell
You Come Through, PJ Harvey

But also, Rilke's "Archaic Torso of Apollo," b/c it's awesome, 4th stanza [my boldface]:

would not, from all the borders of itself,
burst like a star: for here there is no place
that does not see you.  You must change your life.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Tiiiime is on my side.

Stuff I've been doing lately:

Binge-watching Friends.
My favorites are Pheebs and Joey.  Don't judge.

My last dish was a low-fat chili. But I kind of f-ed up on the onions and got some skin in there.  Dunno how I did that.  Don't judge.

Calling my mother.
Almost always a depressing enterprise.  Shelley knows everyone w/in a 2000 mile radius who is sick and/or dying.

Alan Finger.  Alan Finger-ing.  Har.
I love Alan's voice while I do yoga. LUV.

Making friends with the Whole Foods butchers.
They definitely have a bunch of inside jokes, many of them carnal.

Eating homemade granola from an on-sale Anthropologie bowl.  
Freelancers have time to make granola from scratch.

Watering my plants with distilled water.
My plants are spoiled bitches.  Clearly.

Next week: news.